I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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