It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
