omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
