worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
