im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm passing your future prison.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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