I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
