found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
