I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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