Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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