Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
