I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
