She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
