he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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