Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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