You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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