Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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