had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
