Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
why do cheetos always look like penises
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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