She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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