I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
