so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
