Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Randomize
