if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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