i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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