ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
