im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
