I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My ATM looks so different sober.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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