Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
