My friends, they love my intelligence
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize