i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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