Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
