she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
