Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You have to summon your inner elephant
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
