remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize