you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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