I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
