Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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