my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
