girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
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