you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
