in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
