She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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