take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
