Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
