No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
