Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
