Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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