Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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