i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
