There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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