I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
