I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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