goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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