Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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