apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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