i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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