First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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