I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
