So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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