...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
