mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
