Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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