I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
