Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just tell him i said nine months
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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