Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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