i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
