I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
