hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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