margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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