Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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