I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
