he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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