I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
