i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
