Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
