Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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