I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
